Moment of Zen

Hello! This side of my website is kind of about the stuff i don't understand in the world and it's all carfully compounded into a series of short stories. Clever, huh?

Slang, lingo, jive, whatever you want to call it doesn't make sense to me. Maybe i'm not hip with the hop yet. But i'm in the stage of my youth and even my father knows what "phat" means. The last guy who called me "phat" had firecrackers in his pants, but later on, i was told that he didn't call me "fat" he called me "phat" What a terrible thing i've done...i spent good money on those firecrackers. While we are on the topic, the other day i was coming home from school, i jumped in my father's car and we rode off. I was merely was trying to make conversation.
"How was work, dad?" i said.
"Working like a dog." he sighed. "Working like a dog."
That doesn't make a lick of sense. Working like a dog? Why not working like a beaver? Atleast beavers are productive, they build thier own homes. So, now, my father gets paid to lay on his butt all day, scratch himself, crap on lawns, chase his butt and pee on fire hydrants. That must be the easiest job in the world! I wonder if they have any openings? I wonder if they would employ a ten-year old?

UPDATED!

Hello, i'm going to give you an early update, because i'm cool like that! And for further notice every time you see 'UPDATED' that means it's been updated. Okay? Now, here's my next passage of Moment of Zen.

Tired, sleepy, non-smelly. After taking my shower i start to ease myself into bed and go to a dream about Beyonce, but then i realize my pajama pants have pockets. I smirk. Why would pajama pants have pockets? Pajamas are for sleeping, you don't need pockets while your sleeping. It's not like you wake up in the middle of the night, take your day planner out of your pocket and see what's next on the list. Well, if it did happen, most surely it would say, 'Keep sleeping'. So, i leave it at that and put myself into bed, closed my eyes and snored. Then in the middle of the night, i wake up, take out a piece of candy, and ate it. My three a.m treat is what i call it. What a marvelous invention these pajamas are.

UPDATED!

I used to think the world was mildly lazy. But now i think the world's red, hot, pepper, baby back ribs lazy. It all started when i saw the peanut butter and jelly in one jar thing. What's up with that? I'm lazy, but i want to meet the guy who needs that. Is thier somebody writing the peanut butter company sayin', "You know, i could go for a sandwich but i'm not opening two jars! I can't be openin' and closin' all kinds a jars! Cleaning...who knows how many knives!"
Yes very lazy. While we are on the topic of food, let's move onto directions to how to make food. Directions are very useful when your making a pizza or something. But not when you're just toastin' a poptart. Have you seen these things? They have directions for how to toast a poptart. And there's like 5 steps! Five steps! I could sum it all down into, "Toast poptart." That easy. But i guess SOME people need directions like, "Take pastry out of packaging". Just incase you toast the box and start eating it, that first direction will help you out. Idiots. 2. "Throw packaging away." What? Are they afraid we might use it as a neucular bomb? 3. "Put pastry in toaster."
And don't use it as a boomerang. Ha! 4. "Let pastry toast for five minutes on high." Okay.
5. "You have your golden, crisp, juicy poptart reday for eating." I would put in a step six, "Don't feed to alligators."

See you later! Next update! Get away from me! Go to someone else! See 'Sweet Links' to check out my friends blogs. PeACE!

UPDATED!

This passage is going to be really short because i'm really tired. Okay? Okay. Now, turn off your tv, you mindless drones. And read.

Sitting next to a lake on a hot summer day. Relaxing , all cool, just got finished shootin' some b-ball outside of school--ENOUGH! I don't want to go into a "FResh price of belair" theme song. I noticed that there was movement in the lake. And then a look to a sign i hadn't seen before and it reads, "DON'T FEED ALLIGATORS!" I look scared and feel scared for a moment. But then i realized, "why the heck would they have a sign like that" Is there some dumb guy out there who lost his hand because they didn't have a sign up. "Let me feed you, my fellow crockey mate." Chomp. "OWWWWWWWWWWWW! MY HAND! THE BLOODS ER'VY WHERE! HELP! HELP! WHY DIDN'T THEY HAVE A SIGN! WHY! WHY DIDN'T THEY HAVE A SIGN! WHY! THOSE IDIOTS! WHY! Those guys are real crap load stupid butt ugly friggin' dumb dumb idiot stupid ugly dumb friggin' stupid ugly dumb stupid friggin' ugly dumb stupid ugly stupid dumb friggin' stupid dumb butt head IDIOTS! That is all.

Peace my brothas and sistas...that goes for the white guys too...and the gals...go away...racial freaks!