What Up?

Time

2005-10-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

My father told me something very interesting the other day. He told me what most physicists and Buddhist believe that time doesn't against. Don't me belive me? Well, try defining time without using the word "time". Most of you are going to say something along these lines--"It's a thing that...." or whatever. But what is that thing? If you can't define something there's a possibility that it might not exist. Leave comments and tell me what you feel about time.....

GO TO MY NEW SITE

2005-08-23T20:45:00.000-07:00

WWW.MADDOJO.BLOGSPOT.COM

GO TO MY NEW SITE

2005-08-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

WWW.MADDOJO.BLOGSPOT.COM

Movie

2005-08-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

Star Wars III Parody

Let's Rant!

2005-05-08T21:22:00.000-07:00

So Right i'm mad at the world right? This will be my second post of me just ranting on about how i hate stuff.

Okay. This happened a long time ago in the news...BUT...i'm just really MAD about it. A LOT.
Okay. There were these stupid little idiots who wanted to sue McDonald's . And do ya know why they sued? Huh? Do ya? I'll tell ya. Because they were too fat. Far be it from them to admit to themselves, "hey ya know wat maybe i should stop after the fifteenth thousandth burger!" Nope!
The fact that there festively fat, it's not there fault, it's McDoogles fault(or whatever they call those bloody artery destroying fast food restauraunts where i happen to spend half of my money on!). My problem is these stupid people who don't consider what the HECK they're going to say when thier actually infront of the judge! What they gonna say? (not complete sentence? me no no care)
"Yes you're honor i'm a fat pig and it's all because of this fast food chain" AND THE MORAL OF THIS IS EAT SALAD! OR DIE! literally.

Big Boss Clothing

2005-04-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

I've started a t-shirt business. It's going quite well. And until i get another website to sell my shirts from, i'll be selling shirts online. There will be pictures of the shirts and everything. A shirt cost 10$ and one that you want anything to say on it will be 12$. It's going to be awesome once i start it up. But for now...

Big Boss Clothing....Coming soon

My Sweet Songs

2005-03-28T23:24:00.000-08:00

I know i haven't updated in a long time but trust me this'll make up for it. I have about 1 songs for now. But i'm a musical genuis and i'll create more! I've got some april fool beethoven in me.

Poop Doggy Dog.
From the living room, you can catch a wiff.
I said poop doggy dog left you a gift.
On the carpet, it looks like a hershey's kiss.
But you don't want to take a big bite out of this.
I'm a bad bad puppy, not afraid to admit.
Because i can't help it when i have to sh*t.
So, i close my eyes and squat real low.
Fashizzle my nizzle and i just let it go.
What's my name?
Poop doggy dog.

I'll have some more later. And ill really update, like, tommorow or something. Bye!

UPDATED!

I think you'll like this one. This song is a parody of the 2004's Ron Artest accident. Remember? Ron like ran into the stands and beat up everybody because somebody spilled Pepsi on him. Check it out!

Be Artest
Sung to the tune of "Be our guest" from Beauty and the Beast.

Be Artest!
Be Artest!
Cause some NBA unrest.
Lose your temper
in the stands, my boy,
And smash
somebody's chest!

What a joke!
Drenched with Coke!
Punch them hard
then kick and choke.
Fling a chair, it's satisfying!
You don't care
if someone's dying!

Throw a fit!
Rip some clothes!
And don't stop there, break a nose!
When it comes to being stupid you're the best!

Then go and sell your CD,
On national TV
Be Artest!
Be Artest!
Be Artest!

Funny stuff! Right? See ya'll next update! I got a bunch of funny stuff this week!

Moment of Zen

2005-03-27T19:28:00.000-08:00

Hello! This side of my website is kind of about the stuff i don't understand in the world and it's all carfully compounded into a series of short stories. Clever, huh?

Slang, lingo, jive, whatever you want to call it doesn't make sense to me. Maybe i'm not hip with the hop yet. But i'm in the stage of my youth and even my father knows what "phat" means. The last guy who called me "phat" had firecrackers in his pants, but later on, i was told that he didn't call me "fat" he called me "phat" What a terrible thing i've done...i spent good money on those firecrackers. While we are on the topic, the other day i was coming home from school, i jumped in my father's car and we rode off. I was merely was trying to make conversation.
"How was work, dad?" i said.
"Working like a dog." he sighed. "Working like a dog."
That doesn't make a lick of sense. Working like a dog? Why not working like a beaver? Atleast beavers are productive, they build thier own homes. So, now, my father gets paid to lay on his butt all day, scratch himself, crap on lawns, chase his butt and pee on fire hydrants. That must be the easiest job in the world! I wonder if they have any openings? I wonder if they would employ a ten-year old?

UPDATED!

Hello, i'm going to give you an early update, because i'm cool like that! And for further notice every time you see 'UPDATED' that means it's been updated. Okay? Now, here's my next passage of Moment of Zen.

Tired, sleepy, non-smelly. After taking my shower i start to ease myself into bed and go to a dream about Beyonce, but then i realize my pajama pants have pockets. I smirk. Why would pajama pants have pockets? Pajamas are for sleeping, you don't need pockets while your sleeping. It's not like you wake up in the middle of the night, take your day planner out of your pocket and see what's next on the list. Well, if it did happen, most surely it would say, 'Keep sleeping'. So, i leave it at that and put myself into bed, closed my eyes and snored. Then in the middle of the night, i wake up, take out a piece of candy, and ate it. My three a.m treat is what i call it. What a marvelous invention these pajamas are.

UPDATED!

I used to think the world was mildly lazy. But now i think the world's red, hot, pepper, baby back ribs lazy. It all started when i saw the peanut butter and jelly in one jar thing. What's up with that? I'm lazy, but i want to meet the guy who needs that. Is thier somebody writing the peanut butter company sayin', "You know, i could go for a sandwich but i'm not opening two jars! I can't be openin' and closin' all kinds a jars! Cleaning...who knows how many knives!"
Yes very lazy. While we are on the topic of food, let's move onto directions to how to make food. Directions are very useful when your making a pizza or something. But not when you're just toastin' a poptart. Have you seen these things? They have directions for how to toast a poptart. And there's like 5 steps! Five steps! I could sum it all down into, "Toast poptart." That easy. But i guess SOME people need directions like, "Take pastry out of packaging". Just incase you toast the box and start eating it, that first direction will help you out. Idiots. 2. "Throw packaging away." What? Are they afraid we might use it as a neucular bomb? 3. "Put pastry in toaster."
And don't use it as a boomerang. Ha! 4. "Let pastry toast for five minutes on high." Okay.
5. "You have your golden, crisp, juicy poptart reday for eating." I would put in a step six, "Don't feed to alligators."

See you later! Next update! Get away from me! Go to someone else! See 'Sweet Links' to check out my friends blogs. PeACE!

UPDATED!

This passage is going to be really short because i'm really tired. Okay? Okay. Now, turn off your tv, you mindless drones. And read.

Sitting next to a lake on a hot summer day. Relaxing , all cool, just got finished shootin' some b-ball outside of school--ENOUGH! I don't want to go into a "FResh price of belair" theme song. I noticed that there was movement in the lake. And then a look to a sign i hadn't seen before and it reads, "DON'T FEED ALLIGATORS!" I look scared and feel scared for a moment. But then i realized, "why the heck would they have a sign like that" Is there some dumb guy out there who lost his hand because they didn't have a sign up. "Let me feed you, my fellow crockey mate." Chomp. "OWWWWWWWWWWWW! MY HAND! THE BLOODS ER'VY WHERE! HELP! HELP! WHY DIDN'T THEY HAVE A SIGN! WHY! WHY DIDN'T THEY HAVE A SIGN! WHY! THOSE IDIOTS! WHY! Those guys are real crap load stupid butt ugly friggin' dumb dumb idiot stupid ugly dumb friggin' stupid ugly dumb stupid friggin' ugly dumb stupid ugly stupid dumb friggin' stupid dumb butt head IDIOTS! That is all.

Peace my brothas and sistas...that goes for the white guys too...and the gals...go away...racial freaks!

When do i update?

2005-03-07T20:30:00.000-08:00

I update every week: monday to monday. I don't want to lose my readers. Thank you everybody! And this is when i update. So, my mom will get off my butt about telling people when i update. Peace!

Dumb Laws

2005-03-01T21:14:00.000-08:00

We all know laws are what makes the world go 'round. But these laws are stupid. And I guess stupidness is what makes the world go 'round. God bless America! Check out some of these state dumb laws. Remember all these laws are completely true!

Oregon
1. Canned Corn is not to be used as fishing bait.
2. Ice cream may not be eaten on sundays.

Virginia
1. Children are not to go trick-or treating on halloween.
2. It is illegal to tickle women.
3. Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. (Revealed)
4. It is illegal to spit on sidewalks.
5. It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on sundays. (Revealed)

New York
1. The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
2. Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 pm.
3. You must have a license to hang clothes on a clothesline.

That's all for now, my lovely people. Because if i tell you anymore i'd lose my job. I'll tell you more dumb laws next entry. For now, get drunk and drive. Bye!

What's up, again! I have more dumb laws for your amusement. Enjoy! Remember all these laws are completely true!

Iowa
1. A man with a moustache may never kiss a women in public.
2. Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
3. Piano players with one arm must perform for free.

Hawaii
1. Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
2. All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.

New Mexico(Carrizozo)
1. It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.

New Mexico(Las Cruces)
1. You may not carry a lunch box down Maine Street.

Oklahoma
1. It's illegal to have the hind legs of a farm animal's in your boots.
2. It's illegal to wear your boots to bed.
3. Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.

Sweet! I hope ya'll liked the update. Remember all these laws are completely true! See you next update!

i'm back, ya'll! Freak, freak, ya'll, you don't stop! Check out these new dumb laws coming from the headmaster!

Kentucky.
1. it's illegal to fish in the ohio river in kentucky without an indiana fishing license.
2. it's illegal to fish with a bow and arrow.

Texas.
1. it's illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
2. it's illegal to milk another person's cow.
3. it's illegal for someone to throw a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

Nebraska.
1. it's illegal to go whale fishing.
2. if a child burps during church, the parents will be arrested.
3. doughnut holes may not be sold.
4. a man is not aloud to run around with a shaved chest.

That's all for now. See you next update! I'm the king!

My Sweet Poems

2005-02-28T10:48:00.000-08:00

One Bad Morning

This is the story of a depressed man.
Whatever he did had gotten him damned.
He arose one morning, with a smirk and no doubt.
He reached to turn off his alarm, but broke it.
He was startled, corrupt and threw a pout.
He regrouped, settled and gathered a grin.
He tried to turn off his lamp, but it broke again.
Alarmed, he walked towards the bathroom door.
And at one hand touch, the door is laid on the floor.
The man stood, questioned with fear.
Then he realized maybe he needed a beer.
He takes a keg but it shatters in his face.
Now, glass is spread all over the place.
The man, furious and curious now, yells, "What's up with this?"
He calms, gathers, and says, "Well, today, i won't be taking a piss!"

The Smelly Smell

As i look outside, through the window,
Hands wrapped around the Nintendo.
I smell a smelly smell that smells--well, smelly.
I turn off the telly, pick up my belly,
And try to figure out what's so smelly.
I see a field of something brown,
Not quite round, doesn't make a sound.
But it smells of the feces of a dog pound.
I look to my left and then to my right.
And with a shock and a fright,
My sight sees a puupy doing what cute little puppies do.
And no, not play. I mean the dog's doing number two.

Those are the only two i have for now.
But later i will write again.
And make you all say, "Wow!"
See you, next time, my friend.

Sweet Links

2005-02-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

This side of my web will give you other sites you can go to if you want to laugh your butt off.
Illwillpress.com is a very funny website, that's mainly online cartoons. The cursing on the site is a little much, so you might want to ask your parents first. The main character in the online series his Foamy, the squirrel.

Ebaumsworld.com, despite it's wierd name, this website is sweet. This site has cartoons, prank recorded phone calls, such as, a call from homer from the Simpsons. This site is really funny. In some cartoons they have cursing, so watch out.

Jibjab.com is awesome, yet another online cartoon, this ones a little bit more political. My favorite cartoon on the site is "This Land" played by the animated versions of George Bush and John Kerry.

Ahajokes.com is the funniest, biggest online joke site. It has from lightbulb jokes to Yo Mama jokes. They also have jokes such as, politics, office, blonde, and even funny cartoons. Another good joke site is Jokes.com. That site has even zombie baby jokes, which i don't understand, but check it out.

Look for more sweet sites on my next report, when will that be? I don't have a clue. But just keep going to this site because i am your father. And comment me if you have any cool sites i should know about.

UPDATED!

Check out my friends' sites!
Puppyeyes.blogspot.com.
Her's is still underconstruction. But she's really cool and will have sweet stuff on it later.
Doughnutsandbacon.blogspot.com
His' is awesome. It's not really organized just a crap load of funny stuff jampacked together.
Hamstersarecute.blogspot.com
Her web is really cool. So, check it out! She's really funny! And has a lot of stories to tell!

Who is Zachariah?

2005-02-19T23:17:00.000-08:00

Frankly, I, Zachariah, don't even know. The God side of me says, "Zachariah was the fourth best chess player in the country in 2001. His vocabulary exceeds most and his weight exceeds most."
But that's just the true and good side of me. The devil side of me says, "Zachariah picks his nose when no one is looking." That's awful but true. I'm not ashamed to admit it, everybody does it. And just to gross you out, i'm going to tell you other embarrasing things about me.
1. I once peed in a forset once.
2. I've gotten smacked by my own cat.
3. If you tell this to anyone i will personally gouge out your eye.

I have two cats. The "sheding master" cosmo, 1, all white with black spot on top of his head. Cosmo's full name is Cosmonia Cartright. Ruby, smallest cat in the world, younger than 4 months, tiger looking like kitty. Full name: Ruby. Ruby has killed over 8 moles and 2 birds, scary. Ruby plays it off trying to look all cute and purr all the time, but she's a criminal.

This was supposed to be about me. Well, I'm 10, ask me any questions about me and i'll gladly answer. But that's all i have to say about myself.

About H.E.

2005-02-19T22:45:00.000-08:00

Ham and Eggs is not a restuarant on the internet. So, retards that thought that please leave at once. My birth given name is Zachariah, but you may call me Zachariah. I've created this pathectic excuse for a website so that i can express my feelings of things and share what i'm thinking with the whole world. You may ask me questions, i'll answer them. I'll also give out free jokes, songs, cool websites and whatever the devil you want. I aim to please. So, listen to the senceless ranting i'm about to do on this site of mine.

Yo mama jokes!

2005-02-19T12:20:00.000-08:00

Yo mama jokes are ways to insult you without hurting your feelings. The sport originated in Russia by a man named Yougotta Uglymama. His stories pass on as a legend now. The art of the "Yo Mama" is simple and you have to know when to use it. Somebody messin' with you whip out some of these:

1. Yo mama's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the mist" in her shower.
2. Yo mama's feet are so scaly they filmed "Crocodile Dundee" in her footbath.
3. Yo mama's so fat she had to get baptized at sea world.
4. Yo mama's so fat, Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction.
5. Yo mama's so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
6. Yo mama's so dumb she threw a rock at the ground and missed.
7. Yo mama's so dumb, i told her it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl
8. Yo mama's so dumb she thought a quarter-back was a refund.
9. Yo mama's so stupid she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
10. Yo mama's so dumb it took her five days to make minute rice.
11. Yo mama's so dumb she brought a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
12. Yo mama's so nasty she makes right guard go left.
13. Yo mama's so stinky she makes speedstick slow down.
14. Yo mama's so poor she has to put penny candy on layaway.
15. Yo mama's so poor and stupid she has to make change for a penny.
16. Yo mama's so ugly she has to trick-or-treat over the phone.
17. Yo mama's so ugly, when she got moles on her face we called her Chip's o' hoy
18. Yo mama's so old she went to pre-k with jesus.
19. Yo mama's so skinny she could hoola-hoop with a cheerio.
20. Yo mama's so ugly, I couldn't imagine what your grandmama would look like.

UPDATED! WOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS IN A WHILE!

21. Yo mama's hair is so nappy it looks like a wolf's butt in a windstorm.
22. Yo mama's so fat, she has smaller women orbiting around her.
23. Yo mama so fat people jog around her for excercise.
24. Yo mama's hair is so tacky, Liberachi goin', "That's a little loud for me"
25. Yo mama's so fat when she fell in love she broke it. (Compliments to Zachwes)
26. Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window, she got arrested for mooning.
27. Yo mama so old her social security number is one. (Compliments to Zachwes)
28. Yo mama so old she owes moses a dollar.
29. Yo mama so cross-eyed when she crys, tears run down her back.
30. Yo mama so fat, when she layed on the beach peopele screamed, "Free Willy!"
31. Yo mama so fat she uses a paint roller as lipstick.
32. Yo mama so ugly she put the Boogeyman out of business.